I found something shocking when looking under my 3 year old’s mattress: a copy of Toddlering magazine. Really, I had no idea he was that interested in raising his parents. Yes, I know it is his job to make sure we grow old quickly, but this magazine, complete with glossy photographs, focuses on how to do it properly.
I turned to the section titled “How to Win at Bedtime”:
Never, ever, ever stop playing. Pause only long enough to discretely wipe your eyes. Make sure your parents know that you are not tired — you must put them to bed before you can sleep yourself. If they do put you down, cry. Yell, cry, and cry some more. They must pick you up. If necessary, you can sleep in their arms, but never leave them unattended. If you choose, you can play, but make sure you keep an ear out for them. It is important to pick your battles, but this is one where you absolutely, positively must win.
Interesting. I had no idea that my toddler cared so much for my sleep. I guess I’ll have to practice sneaking in his room before he is a teenager, because I’ll need to read more of Toddlering. I’m pretty sure he won’t share.